Friday, March 27, 2009

The Waiting Game

Man, it's been a rough week around here. In reality, my troubles are so minuscule compared to the real troubles many families face but emotionally, I am spent. Being married to a truck driver has it's distinct advantages and disadvantages.

To list a few advantages-
I don't have to make dinner every night, no one is hogging the bed, quite a bit less laundry during the week. I pretty much do what I want with out having to answer to anyone and it's all done on my schedule.

To list some disadvantages-
Many nights alone on the couch watching tv while the little one sleeps, having my husband miss a lot of family outings, knowing that I'm the only one that will have memories of the little things that your kids do each day.

They are usually pretty good about balancing each other out if you take it day by day, but the disadvantages have been weighing pretty heavy this week. I'm usually pretty good at pulling myself out of a rut and waking up with a whole new attitude but this week has been tough. Spring break is here and moms and dads have packed their kids up and hit the local hot spots in town and it's like being stabbed in the heart over and over again. I just can't shake the sadness when everywhere I go, I see families.... together.

See, we're in limbo land here. We're planning to move out of the country soon so we're kind of just in a holding pattern until everything gets squared away. I want to continue building our family, regrow our lives in this new place but I can't. I must wait here, in limbo land, for 3 months, 6 months, 9 months...we don't know exactly how long. I can't begin to describe how incredibly difficult it is to look around at all my friends as they bring home new additions to their families, buy new homes, and continually move forward in life as I sit still....waiting.